The Story
A laugh-out-loud celebration of lifelong friendship, Emails with Kale captures more than twenty years of real email exchanges between author John Steinmetz and his college roommate, Kale Woods. What started in 1979 at Mid-America Nazarene College evolved into a decades-long comedy routine shared through everyday observations, family stories, and absurd situations.
From bewildering sheep stories and bizarre home-improvement escapades to vasectomy mishaps, dog-related emergencies, and questionable basketball games, nothing is off-limits. Each short entry offers quick, witty storytelling that turns the ordinary into the unforgettable.
At its heart, this book is about two friends who never stopped laughing - at life, at themselves, and especially at each other. If you like clever humor, relatable slice-of-life conversations, or stories about the weird realities of adulthood, you’ll enjoy this fun, light read.
Perfect for fans of observational humor, personal essays, and nostalgic friendship tales, Emails with Kale is proof that great friendships - and great jokes - really can last a lifetime.
The Art of Connection
Their friendship began in college - thru dorm life, intramural sports, and a shared love of ping-pong, to decades of family, careers, and suburban misadventures. Thanks to the magic of email, their running conversation has been preserved from 2002 forward, and now the collection is yours to enjoy.
Laughter as Medicine
Across these pages, John and Kale tackle life’s most pressing questions:
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How can they find Lucy – a long-deceased, buried dog?
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What to do when you have a basketball wardrobe malfunction?
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How do you rescue two “romantic” dogs stuck… together?
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Why must men remove shoes at airport security but, fortunately not certain other equipment
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Does wisdom come from age… or from surviving getting snipped?
Radical Vulnerability
From remote airplane adventures and laying under a refrigerator, to Ida and Mulva Zott, broken grammar, questionable judgment, and absurd debates about Great Uncle Cooter, these emails are equal parts observational comedy, personal storytelling, and brotherly roasting.
Most of all, this book celebrates the rare gift of friendship that spans decades - where nothing is off-limits, honesty is expected, and laughter is guaranteed.
Kale's Rebuttal
I want to be clear on one thing: I never signed-off on this.
However, if you are going to read the book, at least know this - we come-off much smarter in person.
Meet the Author
John Steinmetz spent most of his life in Kansas City, which explains both his loyalty to the Chiefs and his belief that conversations should include at least one reference to weather, I-35, or BBQ. He now lives in Virginia Beach with his wife, Jennie, where he and Kale continue to ask questions no one else thinks to ask and then answer them at length.
By day, John works in IT, which means he is trusted with billion-dollar systems but not the office thermostat. He has also mastered saying things like “huh… that’s weird”
John writes emails to his long-time friend Kale Woods, a habit that began decades ago and somehow escalated into a book that nobody asked for. Their only goal was to make each other laugh as they prove that real life, especially when agonizingly overanalyzed, can be far funnier than anything made up.
John and Jennie have two grown children, Kayte and John, both of whom are thriving despite being raised by someone who has way too many stories that start with, “One time when I was in the bathroom…”
When he’s not writing, John enjoys music trivia, old sitcoms, overthinking headlines, and firmly believing that most problems could be solved if people would just be more like him and Kale. Emails with Kale is his first book, and possibly the most productive thing to ever come out of his inbox.
Praise for Emails with Kale
"This mindless drivel is what men actually think about. I now understand everything."
"I would deny enjoying this if I was asked in person."
"I don't know who Kale is, but I feel like I should apologize to him."
a wife who accidently read a chapter
your mom
concerned citizen
"We are grateful the publisher declined to make this a scratch-n-sniff book."
"This book made me feel tremendously better about my own life choices."
"I don't usually like books like this. Now I know why."
Library ASsociation of Reno County, KS
Inmate #66223
an intelligent person
"Please tell me these people didn't reproduce. Please tell me that."
"This book takes the genre of 'Bathroom Reading' to an entirely different level."
"I encourage you to lose no time in reading this book."
Citizens for a better tommorow
CHairwoman, Knob Noster, MO
Earl Pulitzer
lance boyle